Titled Goose Game
The surreality of free to play games covered in an explosion of Beaks.
Look, I started today with the best of intentions. I suppose I ay that a lot when trying to explain why a day has turned into what is rapblend of chaos. This is a force in my life that I often play off as a quirk but might just be a triple threat of childhood damage, autism, and ADHD.
But anyways, I obviously got immediatly distracted by a TIktok ad for a mobile game. but not just any idle clicker game. The Tingus Goose one.
Because obviously, once I took one look at this game, all my adult responsiblities were wiped from my mind. Adult conversation about my job? Notion spreadsheet so I can submit to literary journals? eating? SCREW THAT UNIMPORTANT NONSENSE IT IS GOOSE TIME.
If you’re not already familiar with the brilliance of Tingus, master of the looping Gif, let me show you his True Art.
Glorious. What more can I say?
Since I can’t do this game justice in the written word, so please accept these bullet points stating simple facts about this game.
*The premium currency lets you trade real-world currency for little eggmen you cook for various stat boosts.
*The game starts with a long gooseneck emerging from a pregnant woman’s stomach
*That goose spits babies from its beak at a consistent rate of speed.
*To get more points per baby generated, the key is to get it to fall into and bounce off of as many things as possible. Those things are mostly configurations of beaks.
*Want to speed up the time it takes to bounce babies against beaks? Watch a scam ad about Mister Beast that somehow feels even more uncanny than the game.
*Sometimes the babies get taken by bees. This is a good thing that you want to happen.
*There is a beak slide for the babies.
As you can see this game elevates the idol clicker into a strange absurdist artform that is worthy of a French philosopher enjoying his cigarette for having survived the war. It doesn’t just have a strange, unsettling energy. It also reminds you that indeed, all of mobile gaming has a strange unsettling energy, and hey, now that you think about it so does all of society right now.
So why not just relax and enjoy the beaks?